no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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