woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
