You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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