We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
