someone get that fucking seahorse.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
