Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
