Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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