There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
