Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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