I CAN MOONWALK!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
