I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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