I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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