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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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