I'm so fucking centered right now
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
