My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I want is dick and wine.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
