Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
