her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
