I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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