Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
