I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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