White coat. Heels.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
