Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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