Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
