so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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