Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
