we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
