do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
