Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
