Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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