angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
