so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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