Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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