My Higher Power is John Stamos
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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