So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
