saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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