last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
