so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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