I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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