Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
