hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
