i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
