oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
