I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
