She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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