i wish starbucks made bloody marys
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
