you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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