someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
sarcasm needs its own font
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
