My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
