your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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