Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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