Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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