I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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